In today’s relationship love is often used to describe
how someone feels about another person and as a description of what one is
looking. The world is made up all of kinds of relationships and although there
are general meanings when it comes to love; there are also radically different
ones.
To say that love means one thing would be an
oversight. Just through looking at the different relationships that one has had
and that others are having will often show this. So although one can live in a
society where there are general ideas about what love is and how love should
be, there will also be a personal meaning of what love is.
#The process
This meaning may well be personal thing, but it can
also correlate with certain views that have come about through the media and
society. There will be some people who does it for them; they will soon know.
However this process rarely goes on conscious. One is
unlikely to think this person does this or has that and therefore I’m in love.
The whole thing typically goes on out of one’s conscious awareness.
One problem.
If what one unconsciously associates as love is
functional and empowering then there is a better chance of one ending up in a
healthy relationship. The problem here is that if what one unconsciously
associates as being love is disempowering and dysfunctional, this can lead to
all kinds of problem.
Because even though one may have an idea about what
love is like to them, unless this matches their ego minds associations it is
highly unlikely to become a reality. And this will then create conflict and
emotional experiences that include; pain, anger, hopelessness and frustration
amongst other things.
Love
Ones view of love may be bassed on someone that is
respectful, supportive, kind or affectionate for example. And yet this may be
the complete opposite of what ones ego mind has come to associate as what love
is.
The ego mind forms associations around everything and
once these are formed; it is what the mind will come to conclude as being
reality and the truth. These associations are formed through familiarity and
this then becomes what is safe.
Associations
And when it comes to what the ego mind can associate
as what is familiar and therefore safe, there are endless possibilities. While
healthy, functional and supporti vebahaviour can be what the ego mind
associates as being safe, so can unhealthy, dysfunctional and unsupportive
bahaviour for instance.
This is why relationships can be dysfunctional and
create so much pain and suffering. Consciously one may feel repelled by the relationships
that they are in or to the people that they attract. However, to the ego mind,
it is simply due to the associations that it has around these people being
familiar and therefore safe.
Reasons
On the surface it can seem very strange as to why the
ego mind would associate violence or abuse to mean love. It is clear that there
is nothing loving about these two or any of the others that I mentioned above.
And one of the biggest reasons that the mind will
associates these unhealthy behavior to mean love is due to what happened in
ones early childhood. This doesn’t even have to be something that was extremely
abusive; all it needs to be is an environment that included these was in this
environment.
Childhood
During ones younger years, one is likely to learn what
love is through their caregives. How they responded to ones needs and wants as
a child will then go a long way to defining what ones ego mind associates as
love. And how one was treated as a child and how ones caregivers treated each other
will also have an effect.
Now, for some people this time will be more
dysfunctional or abusive than it is for others. However, as we all respond
differently to things, it means that it is as uch about how one interprets what
happens to them as it is about what actually happens.
And these are experiences that are likely to be
experienced numerous times and through their familiarity, the ego mind will
associate them as what is safe.
Questioning
At such a young age, one didn’t have the ability to question
whether this behavior was functional or healthy. All one could do was become
comfortable with behavior and accept it as love.
Awareness
The associations that the ego mind has formed are not set in stone and can be changed. As this
happens one can begin to merge what they truly want, with what is going on at a
deeper level.
Therapy, reading, coaching or speaking to a supportive
friend can all be useful. This is something that one can only decide for
themselves.
