This will not be news to you – however, please keep
reading. The Key to Great Relationship is Authenticity – read on to know what I
mean by this .
It includes radical honesty, negotiation, intimacy
(which is to reveal oneself – to be fully seen), and transparency (which is
hiding nothing). We all think we know how to communicate – however, what we
actually know how do is talk. Communication is much more than just talking – it
means there is a speaker and a receiver. The responsibility of understanding is
on both people. The question is : is the speaker communicating in a way that is
understandable to the other – and, is the receiver really listening to the
speaker – without filters, judgments, projections and misinterpretations.
Because we each have different histories, we have
different beliefs and filters, therefore, most of what we hear are distortions
of what the other person means. We also speak a different language than one
another without realizing it. In my Work with couples, I often have to
translate what each is saying into the other’s language. Because of this
phenomenon we end up, for the most part, only knowing the person living in our
head, created from our interpretations.
In relationships, we soon learn to withhold things –
building walls, rather than more intimacy and deeper connections. Our basic
fears (conscious, or not) are of judgments, disapproval and abandonment.
Because of these basic human fears, our ‘withholding’ communication stack gets
higher.
To begin to transform this, make a list of your
Undelivered/Incomplete Communications to your partner. Then choose the one,
that if you were able to communicate it effectively, it would leverage the
greatest positive change in your relationship.
