How to Know
if You’re Infatuated
Examine whether you
treat the object of your interest as a person or a thing. When you experience
infatuation, your mind is consumed by thoughts of the other person. You’re
thinking not only about the other person but also about how you want to reveal
yourself to the other person. You have an idealized vision of what this person
is like, and your vision may or may not be accurate.
Evaluate how secure
you feel. Instead
of feeling secure, you are thinking more about how to impress the other person.
Your focus is on how to get the other person to like you, and you feel nervous
because you don’t know how the other person feels.
Think about how long
you’ve been in the relationship. Your relayionship is pretty new, and while
you’re constantly thinking about the other person, you’re not confident that he
or she has what it takes to go the distance.
Observe how sex
affects your feelings. Sex is exciting, but you feel tentative afterward. You
worry about whether your partner found you appealing, and you worry about what
the next step after sex will be.
Analyze the way that
you’re thinking about the other person. You think constantly about the way that the
person smiles, the way he or she says your name or the way that your partner
looks at you. You think obsessively about these details, and you try to decide
how the person feels about you based on these somewhat trival qualities.
Look at how you handle
conflict. The
person you like disagrees with you, and you wonder if the relationship is over.
You wonder whether you know the person at all or whether your impressions have
been wrong all along.
Consider your feelings
about moving the relationship forwad. You want to ask the person to date
exclusively, but you’re nervous about what he or she might say. You’re afraid
that asking for commitment may frighten the person away. Your feelings aren’t
deep enough for love; you’re probably more in the realm of infatuation.
When you’re
Feeling Hot, Bothered and in Lust
Examine whether you
treat the object of your interest as a person or a thing. If you’re looking to
catch someone as a prize or to get someone to go to bed with you, you’re
treating the person like a thing, and you’re probably experiencing lust.
Evaluate how secure
you feel. Security
isn’t important to you ; you’re more interested in the score and in how great
it feels to be physical together. After you get what you want, you can take or
leave the other person.
Think about how long
you’ve been in the relationship. You may just be meeting the person you’re
interested in, or you may have known the person for a long time. In either
situation, the relationship is more about fulfilling y
Observe how sex
affects your feelings.
You have sex with person, and even though it’s great, your mind has alredy
moved onto something else. You wonder how long you have to hold the person
afterward, and you’re already thinking about scoring your next sexual
encounter. Or you want to keep having sex with the person-at least, until
somebody else comes along our sexual desires than it is about creating a
partnership.
Analyze the way that
you’re thinking about the other person. You’re trying to figure out what you have to
do to get this person to invite you up for a nightcap. Your focus is on
knocking down the person’s grurd so that he or she will be open to a sexual
encounter.
Look at how you handle
conflict. Who
cares if you have an argument? You can find someone new without the hassle of
brickering and fighting. The sex is great, but it’s not worth the
baggage—unless it’s make-up sex after one of those passionate arguments.
Consider your feelings
about moving the relationship forward. In reality, you could care less about getting
exclusive with your partner. You’re satisfied to date other people, and you
don’t care if the other person also has multiple partners. Even though you may
feel jealous if your lover finds another partner, your lack of commitment
suggests lust, not love.
Tips
·
Friendship
should also weigh into your decision to commit. In 50 years, if you don’t
genuinely like your mate, you’re going to be miserable.
·
Don’t
expect the person to change for you.
·
Know
that there will be bumps in the road. And if you’re truly in love, it won’t
matter.
Warnings
·
Even
if you think you love the other person, if that person doesn’t return your
feelings, don’t waste too much time hoping that your love interest changes his
or her mind. You’ll have other opportunities to find someone who is ready to
create a real and lasting partnership.
