Be as specific as possible.
Your
friend is likely to read more into what you’re saying, because they’ll
(sometimes subconsciously) wonder what you left unsaid. So be as exact as
possible in telling them what they need to know. It is a good idea also to
think about what else they might read into your statement and proactively tell
them that there is nothing more to it than what you’ve stated. This has the
advantage of introducing positive emotions into your statement, which softens the
impact.
·
While you should stick to the objective facts
when describing the behavior or issue in question, this is not to say that you
abandon emotion. Showing that the person’s plight moves you or concerns you is
absolutely appropriate-they’re much more likely to connect with you as a result
and realize that you’re on their side. Again, all things in balance-don’t be
moledramatic. Show warmth and empathy.
Steps
·
simply knowing something to be
“scientifically” or “religiously” proven
does not give a free pass to be forceful or rude when trying to enlighten
another person to the facts you think you know or beliefs you hold. You still
have a responsibility to respect the dignity of the other person and to avoid
suggestions of ignorance, stupidity or eternal damnation. Honesty without being
harsh means acknowledging that the other person has reasons for resisting your
“truths” and it behooves you to find the pathway to opening their mind to you
point of view by being polite, sensitive and respectful.
·
Remember – take note of the person with whom
you want to be honest, and adjust your tone accordingly. That is, don’t be over
– the –top with a quiet and shy person.
·
In short, don’t be rude. There are other ways
to inform someone of something without directly hurting his or her feelings
·
Ideally, “wrap” a negative statement with two
positive ones.
Warnings
·
While excessive white lies are
counterproductive, remember that some things are just better left unsaid. That
which you haven’t said doesn’t need to be taken back.
·
Some people confuse nastiness with honesty.
This happens where a person decides that he or she has a mandate to correct the
ways of another person and says nasty, undermining things constantly, then
excuses the nastiness by saying things like: “it’s for your own good” or “I
only want the best for you”. Appointing yourself as the judge and jury of
another person’s way of living or being is not about honesty but about
enforcing your preferences over someone else who has less power than you (such
as parent over a child, a teacher over a student, a boss over a subordinate,
etc.). honest guidance is kindly and respectful of the other person, no matter
their age, and does not seek to abuse the other person into submission.
·
Be aware that for some people, “taking
offense” is a means of manipulating others. In the case of such people, who
claim to be “outraged” at almost anything that they don’t like or like or feel
uncomfortable with there is always a risk that honesty will bring out a
backlash. In some cases, you may need to be prepared to weather the whining but
provided you have been truthful, kind and you have objectively assessed the
need for the truth to be told, then don’t feel you need to back down or retract
what you’ve said. Honesty is not to be cowered into submission by people who
don’t like what they hear and respond with threats of suing or blogging.
·
Name calling tells other people that you’re
frustrated; it does not amount to honesty.
