In
that gloriously unforgettable episode of Friends, Monica Gellar (Courteney Cox
Arquette) gets down on one knee before Chandler Bing (Matthew Perry) and says
“I never thought I’d be so lucky to fall in love with my best…my best…my best
friend”. Of course, they go on to get married, buy a house, have a ohild
(albeit through a surrogate mother) and generally live ‘happily ever after’.
Love.
That four letter word that brings so much happiness, so much heartache..but is
still so worth while Friendship. That wonderful bonding, that incomparable rush
of emotion that cuts across age, race, gender
Religion
and region. But what happens if you combine the two? Falling in love is
complicated enough, so what happens if the object of your affection is your
‘best’ friend?
Friendship
blossoming into love is actually a rather common phenomenon. No wonder,
considering that friendship is usually built on the platforms of mutual
affection, unconditional support, or common interests, backgrounds or
circumstances, similar to those that love is built on. Moreover, friends
support each other through thick and thin, the good times and the bad and the
ups and downs that make up life. Very similar therefore, to the qualities that
make up a good mate.
In
this context, all it takes is a small spark, to ignite the gentle glow of
friendship to the full on flame of passion.
There
are many advantages in falling for your best bud. For one, you zip past the
“downside” of dating : Remember the sweaty palms and awkward silences of your
first date? Or the constant pressure to present your ‘best’ side? When you’re
in a romantic relationship with your best friend, you get to relax and just
enjoy each other’s company. What’s more, you need not shield those skeletons in
your closet ‘causechances are, your friend knows about all of them and loves
and accepts you anywaw.
However
such a situation has a serious downside as well. For example, what if your
friend does not share your feelings? What if he/she is so disgusted at your
amorous affections that he/she can never look at you the same way again? Or
what if things simply don’t work out? These are some serious pitfalls to what
might otherwise seem an idyllic scenario. The key question amidst all of this
uncertaintely is: Is declaring your love to your best friend worth risking the
friendship? Tough question but one that definitely needs to be confronted
before you take any course of action.
Going
forward, the main question is how to broach such a sensitive topic. Will the
direct approachof being completely blunt about your feelings be the best
approach? Or will the suble, gradual approach of carefully dropping hints over
a certain span of time, be better? Naturally, in matters of the heart there can
be no hard and fast rukes or foolproof formulae. What’s more, the most
important thing while in such a delicate situation is to exercise caution and
employ all the sensitivity possible to ensure that things go according to plan.
Here
are some helpful tips to keep in mind when dealing with such a dilemma:
1.
Assess the situation
with a clear head
Although this line of apporoach may seem
pretty much next to impossible when you look at your situation, objectively
assessing the situation can make all the difference. Clearly think and and list
down (preferably in writing) what exactly you feel and expect from the
situation. Proceeding without thinking things through can mean making some
avoidable mistakes that you might regret later.
2.
Prepare yourself for
anything
Telling your best friend that you have
feelings for him/her means putting your friendship on the line. Perhaps, your
friend may return your feelings and the two of you can embark on a romantic
relationship. But what if your friend rejects you wants to continue being
strictly friends? You need be ready to accept whatever the outcome.
3.
Test the waters
Observe your friend carefully, (though
convertly). Is he/she emotionally available to you? Is he/she interested in
someone else or simply off love? You will have to judge to the best of your
knowledge whether or not your friend is ready to take your friendship to the
next level.
4.
Time your move
In
life, everything is about timing. When you make your move is as crucial as how
you make it. Don’t spring your feelings to your friend during a rough work week
or a family emergency. Instead, ensure that the object of your affection is in
a receptive frame of mind before you proceed futher.
5.
Make your move
Use
your imagination. A wise man once said ‘Love is all about the grand gestures”.
Thing big. Think personal. Express your feelings a manner that encapsulates
your feelings in all their spendour. Go that extra mile – it’s sure to be wort
it in the end.
6.
Face the consequences
Accept
both victory and defeat with grace. If your friend responds positively – take
thing slow and savor each moment of your time together. If he/she turns you
down, preserve the friendship. Just because you two can’t have romantic love
together, doesn’t mean you have throw away the friendship.
Ultimately,
remember whatever the outcome of your ‘coming clean’, come what may, you will
always have precious memories of your time together to cherish forever!
